"When I decided to have midwives attend the birth of my first child at the hospital, my partner M. immediately insisted we also find a doula. At first, I was resistant: I thought that midwives did everything that a doula would do. But Michael pointed out that a doula could help us labor at home and best decide when to go to the hospital. Besides, he argued, the birthing stories that we knew involving doulas were generally happier ones than those without doulas.
Well, as things went, we ended up at the hospital right away. Even though I felt well prepared for laboring, I was scared early on by the progress of the contractions. I remember very clearly when Michelle looked me in the eye and told me not to be afraid, to move towards the contractions rather than shy away from them. She said it in a way that allowed me to start working with the breathing I had practiced and to find a voice for sounding. Michelle stayed with me the whole time, including during the first stage of labor, when the midwife and nurses were simply stopping by the room to see how things were going. She helped me stay focused and centered through a long and sometimes difficult labor, and she helped M. support me. And in the end, when all the hospital staff were finished, and I was exhausted, she talked me through my first nursing of my son." ~M.M., Easthampton
 From Emily, Expecting..."We
wondered if hiring a doula (labor assistant) would be overkill. After
all, second babies tend to come earlier and easier. What if she'd just
be standing in the corner while I did my thing? Well, not only did
Michelle go above and beyond in helping me deal with the pregnancy that
would not end- including a home visit and I don't want to think about
how many phone calls- but honestly? Even if she had just stood in the
corner while I did my thing, I'm still certain her presence would have
helped me along....I am confident that my labor went as smoothly as it
did largely due to Michelle's helpful advice, and how comfortable I
felt with her."Read more of Emily's stories of her 2nd pregnancy and birth at Fit Pregnancy's blog, Emily, Expecting.Emily B., Amherst MA.
Phoenix's Story
As
a couple, Jason and I have always been fully aware of our right to seek
nothing but the best in all aspects of our lives. We have always been a
take-charge kind of couple in everything we do, so bringing a new soul
into our world was not going to be the exception. As parents of three
children, we have experienced a lot of the feelings that other parents
have felt at one time or another. We have been scared, hesitant and
threatened by our own fears of failure. Our first birth brought about a
drastic change in our lives. Not only did we have a healthy new life,
but we also met the strongest, most resilient side of us as we immersed
ourselves into the sacredness of the birth process.
After
birthing our first two babies at a hospital and a birthing center, we
felt that our third child deserved the magical experience our first two
received and a lot more. A homebirth! In our minds, what could be more
magical than bringing a new life into our circle right inside our own
safe temple. For forty weeks, as with the previous pregnancies, I
began readying for the big event, and I don't mean going shopping for
supplies. We began getting to know our midwife and our doula. In nine
months they went from being strangers to being members of our circle.
By the time the due date rolled around we felt truly connected with
them. A birth is an intensely sacred moment that deserves to be shared
with those who care for you and your family.
On January 28, 2003
our third child arrived into a circle of love and community. Never in
our lives had we experienced a moment of such intensity. A midwife and
doula facilitated the magic we were seeking. Together we breathed,
cried, laughed, rubbed and danced our new baby boy into the world.
During the most intense moment of the night, when we were minutes away
from touching our baby, my mind became full of doubt, and my body was
exhausted. When the time came to give it my all, I felt almost
defeated. It was then that I looked into Michelle's eyes looking for
consolation. She caught my eyes full of sisterhood, connection, hope
and honesty and softly whispered to me that yes, we were seconds away
from having him in our lives. I remember letting out a soft cry of
relief because she had consoled my doubts and soothed my exhaustion.
She wasn't lying, within a minute our baby arrived into Jason's hands.
I will never forget the strength Michelle gave me with just a glance.
Whenever
I see a pregnant woman, I secretly wish magic to her, the same magic
that we experienced that night in January within our own circle of
community and friends. - Barbie G, Naples, FL. |
From a father of two babies born at a local hospital with doula care...
"For the birth of our son, my partner Jen and I were extremely fortunate to have Michelle present as our doula. As a first-time dad-to-be, I was more than a little worried about the whole birthing process. What was labor going to be like? What should I focus on? Was I going to be able to help Jen? All these questions were going through my mind.
Once labor started, I was SO GLAD to have Michelle there. When she arrived at our home, Michelle checked in with both of us and then turned her attention toward helping Jen through her labor. Michelle was so caring, calm, and attentive to Jen’s needs, it afforded me the opportunity to really connect with Jen and the birth experience. In other words, with Michelle there, I knew Jen was going to be okay, so I could worry less about the process of labor and focus more on her.
Throughout the labor process, Michelle made sure I was doing okay, too. She was able (somehow) to reach through my overwhelmed state of mind to help me feel fully included.
For the birth of our second child, a daughter, we were lucky enough to have Michelle back with us, along with one of her doulas-in-training, Marcy. The second time around, the birthing experience was even better, and I had the deep honor of being included in the ancient tradition of women coming together to help women through the birthing process. When I think back to that Summer night my daughter was born, Michelle and Marcy were such an important part of my experience. As a Dad, I am so grateful for their loving presence and attention, because they allowed me, for a second time, to be fully present for the birth of my child." B., births 2007 & 2010
Read an article on a study looking at the effects of a doula on birth when the laboring mother's partner is also present.
LGBTQ Families
About
30% of the families I care for identify as lesbian or queer. As you go
through the profound process of growing your family- from conception to
birth and beyond- many issues around gender roles, identity,
relationship, communication with extended family, body image and
history, interfacing with medical care providers- all these can arise
for anyone, but often have special significance for LGBTQ folks.
I
support you wholeheartedly in finding your authentic answers to all
these questions, to bringing your whole wonderful selves to pregnancy,
birthing, and parenting.
Email, September 2010
“As
our due date drew near, we felt like we were cramming for an exam that
we had no way of preparing for because in the end we did not know what
would be on this" test". Every birth is so unique and there was no way
of knowing what hers would be like. We felt unprepared and therefore
nervous. We did not want our family's birth experience to be clouded
with feelings of nervousness or fear. We met with Michelle and thought
we would be meeting with many doulas before hiring. This was not
necessary. We knew right away. She was the missing" link" that would
bring a sense of calmness and wisdom from experience that empowered us
to usher our child into the world in the way that we wanted. We never
felt like we had to check our queerness at the door. It cleared up some
of our mental space to be able to be open for being totally present with
this miracle instead of distracted. We got to really BE THERE with it.
We
never were made to feel like we were merely queer tourists visiting the
land of heteronormativity simply because we were embarking on birth
(taking part in birth) which has been traditionally reserved for
heterosexuals. Our child's birth story, just like her conception, and
just like her parents is as radical, unique and queer as they come. There
was pain, exhaustion, sleep deprivation, confusion, fear, love, fight,
incredible endurance, imagination, creativity, and endless moments of
anticipation of the unknown. Michelle was able to dig into those moments
and mine out their beauty. Even months later, there are moments that
are very solid in my memory that I can still viscerally feel the beauty
that she brought to light. I am certain that I would have missed it
otherwise.
Every
part of our souls and our child's soul was a part of this birth. All
our parts, including our diversity, were present. Honestly, we would not
plan for another birth UNLESS we knew Michelle could be there. That is
how strongly we feel.”
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